Taste of my Own Medicine

On the days I don't work out of the home, I try to get up a little before 5AM so I can get started on my day. I found that I am much less cranky waking up early instead of staying up late. It usully works, and I can get at least 2 hours of some good solid work, either sewing or computer time. I can also get to my coffee much and enjoy it without interruption...you know how good those uninterrupted java moments can be, especially as the sun is coming up. :)

This morning isn't quite as successful. Rafaella has been up with me. Though in her crib near this computer, she is laying down and peeking through the slats of the crib, making sure I don't get up from it. As you can imagine, I have gotten up to sneak away several times since 5 am, only to be called back.

I am writing in the dark to keep her thinking that she needs to sleep. She will be cranky if she doesn't, and before I starting writing I even attempted to knit by the light of the computer screen, but darnit, it's not working for me...I am only a 1 yr knitter after all, and can't knit without looking.

I don't even know why I am not surprised to have a child with my same schedule. I surely have my Mother's , who is up most nights developing recipes and watching home and garden and food shows. She is accustomed to calling me at around midnight my time (east coast), and we talk until it is midnight her time (west coast). It's a sickness, and I think my daughter has it.

Greg has actually been laughing in his boots. This special daughter of mine has me running for my money, with a stubborn streak so long and a mischievous smile that can fool her father. He says that she acts just like me, and sometimes I have to really question how naughty I have been to Greg all of these years. Me? Stubborn and Sassy? I really don't think so, but he tells me otherwise. And that is why, he says, he is totally not phased by our princess.

I do have to admit, that sometimes when I look at her, I feel like I am looking at a picture of myself. She has much of Greg with her, she is definitely half-caucasian ;) ...but the expressions in her eyes, the way she cocks her head, the way she stands with her hands on her hips (haha!) or sometimes the way she smiles reminds me of those photographs my mother took of me as a child.

I think I have an exciting road ahead of me.

My biggest fans.

So this "mothering" thing I have been doing for the last almost 6 years...I admit they haven't all been selfless moments. I have not always been humble.

I swear, it's because of these Kids! They seem just to go with the flow: The Deployment. All of The Moving. Fielding their Loud and extremely opinionated Parents. And all of these Crafts! The countless experiments they have to endure being their Mama's guinea pigs.

But they not only go with the flow, they are just ecstatic. About everything. For example, I have made the ugliest shirts, and Cooper will insist on wearing them hot from the machine. Greggy's initial reaction is always, "that's beautiful".

And while I think I'm a pretty darn good bag maker, I need practice in every other endeavor. My knitting is almost always off, necklines on garments tug in some places, and hems aren't always on level. But somehow, my kiddos don't notice or care...they just know that they love it.

It really blows up a woman's ego, y' know? (*wink*)



Kiddos with their knit hats, made of BFL aran weight yarn. Dyed by Beemer Knits and imperfectly lovingly knit by Me :) . Accidentally made slightly larger, but appreciated perfectly by my Biggest Fans.

Ah, it's been a long week.

The change in weather, from hot to cold then back to hot, then to rain then to sun has promptly put a damper on the mood here in the Johnson household. I have 3 very. very. unhappy children, with runny noses, slight fevers and watery eyes.

...all of which results in a very. very. tired mama.

It should have been a *relaxing* week, seeing that Cooper missed school all week and Greggy didn't go to Tae Kwan Do. Instead, because my three decided to wake, eat, cough and cry in intervals, by 6 pm I am trying to combat my drooping eyelids with coffee.



I was so relieved to get these little pair of pants done, because I have been literally falling asleep while I knit. They are for a little baby B, son of a fellow Sewing Mama, who was born slightly premature.

I just noticed now in the picture that the ribbing has so much to be desired. *doh* . It clearly depicts that I was hanging by a thread, knitting in stupor...but I really tried to focus (I swear), because I wanted to finish it before he decides that he wasnts to undergo a growth spurt.

This is the Chai Latte colorway by Morwenna. Knit with Theresa's Picky Pants Pattern.

OK, I'm off to nap (notice I say Nap. Not "sleep"). Because I anticipate one of my sweet-ones will call for me in an hour or 2.

TFL!

Carpool Creation #1

This is proof that I have truly succumbed into being a mini-van, carpooling mama. What has become quiet moments of knitting has turned into van knitting, waiting for one, while the other two are either sleeping or eating lunch in the back seat.

Sure, I know, it's not ideal...but we still have fun :) .

I am intent on being one of the first 10 or so cars (vans) there, so when Greggy comes out he can see me immediately. I don't want my babe to wait, or worry. And in order to do this I have programmed my brain to get there at least 30 minutes or so before the dismissal bell rings.

Yes! I know it's not ideal, but we still have fun...

The vans are practically parked in line, waiting...mamas come out to chat with each other (probably one of our few contacts with other adults before dad gets home)...most vans have other babes in there, so they are usually rocking out with some kind of child CD (ours is no exception)...and you will see many mamas reading, doing bills, their nails.

When I am not chatting, I am knitting. Or I am knitting while chatting, whatever...

And behold the first creation from the carpool line, actually finished last week, but did not wash and lanoloze until last night :)



The yarn is Kimberly's colorway, I believe using Full Belly Farm Yarn, an organic wool yarn, wonderful and yummy.

I look forward to many more knitterly moments waiting for Greggy from school.

Sneaking off with Mom...

Despite the dipping temperatures (although it is no where near what I would like...I am a cold weather lover myself), I have been taking the kids to our local ice cream shop for a little sweet goodness. Just this last week we headed there at least 3 times, and I am not at all ashamed to say that it was at my request :)

The boys take their wondrous time looking at all of the tubs of creamy goodness, through the glass licking their lips. They get to pick whatever they want. Rafaella is patient, she knows she will share my cup.

Once they have picked and I have ordered we sit and enjoy our treats and we just talk. Sometimes the boys talk all at once, almost screaming, trying to say everything in their mind. Rafaella even starts in with her babytalk, and their voices echo through the parlor. I can't help but laugh the entire time.

It reminds me of those moments when my Mother used to take my brothers and I out for the afternoon. And what stays with me most were those occasions when she and I, alone, would sneak away to get something to eat and to chat. We'd tell my dad and brothers that we had an errand to run, and we'd find ourselves having lunch at a restaurant and not accomplishing much of anything but keeping our bellies full and our minds occupied with exchanged stories.

These days, when she comes here to visit from California, Greg just expects for us to make up an excuse to get out of the house, but he knows that we are at a local joint, stuffing our faces and cackling and gossiping.

How important those moments were...now looking back I know now that this was a way she kept connected with me. I remember at times I would just wonder *why* we had to do things together...what teen hasn't...

Now as a Mother, I can see that it has made all of the difference in the world.

The evolution of Mom.

Today I met the au pair of one of Greggy's classmates. She is a doll, very sweet, obviously attentive and M adores her. She asked me how old I was. She said I looked young.

She was surprised when I told her I was 31, and she thought I was more her age: 22 . I almost hugged her.

She asked me to coffee in the future, but I admitted to her that I couldn't guarantee time away. I am a full time mom with an Army husband. Therefore I don't have set schedules. I make child-free appointments weeks in advance, and hope my childcare options don't fail...otherwise I have three in tow.

Such a far cry from even 6 years ago, with none at my side, where Greg and I were so independent even from each other. I was so stubborn and anal; I rarely wanted to compromise. My job was my focus, and I was a workaholic...

Then came Gregory 5 years ago, where I adopted a perfectionist mother's attitude. As if I had control over the personality of this child. I was so idealistic, almost un-REAListic. And I was right., of course. Over everything, especially how my child should be raised, as how should others.

Cooper rocked my world 18 months later, challenging me with a completely opposite personality. I could not understand how my methods with Gregory did not work with the 2nd. Aren't they both my children? I started to learn to listen to my children. I allowed myself to stand back and to just Watch. and Trust.

Rafaella came 3 years later. My likeness. I see my face in her, and I have been knocked off my feet. Not only do I listen, and watch and trust, but I have learned that I can Close My Eyes and Use My Instincts. It will be alright.

Why it took me 6 years and 3 children to get me to today, I can never explain. Is it my age? I am surely busier now with the business than I ever was in the Army. Is it experience? Is it confidence? Or have I changed?

I hope it's for the better.

I really need to think over my schedule...

Here in our county, public schools have a special Monday schedule; teachers have inservices and students are given half the day off. When I arrived at Greggy's afternoon class line I was excited that we got there so early...after a few minutes of standing and smiling, I realized that there would be no line because his class had already started, and was in fact almost about to end.

Poor Greggy was so disappointed...he loves Kindergarten and his teacher, and with show and tell project in hand I led him back to the van (with the other 2 in tow), apologizing profusely.

While it doesn't seem much of a big deal, it was just another reminder that achieving balance doesn't necessarily mean just compartamentalizing tasks, or multitasking, or lists. It means taking care of yourself and your basic needs of food/water/sleep.

It is with that last component that I lack, really. I have placed a hard time of midnight for shutting down, but in my excitement to complete whatever task I am in, I push the envelope just a little bit. Then midnight turns to 1 am and Rafaella is up to nurse...and by the time things settle it is about 2 am.

All day I obsessed about tonight's timeline, and I am deciding to drink coffee in a few minutes, and will promptly shut off the computer at 11 pm.

There. I will be held accountable by cyberspace.

And in case you were wondering what was on the table to be finished last night:

*heart* - my children...

Today we visited some friends who just had their 2nd baby, a wee little one, a little boy who I got to hold...and at that moment I held him I realized how much bigger my children are.

Where has the time gone, that somehow I am five years older than when I was when I first held Greggy; goodness, Greg and I were just kids ourselves. I looked through my scrapbook tonight and was reminiscent...(though when am I not). Now my boys are in school, and Rafaella is growing to be such a little girl.

I wonder how I am doing as a parent. Each day brings its own surprises and what I thought was IT one day, is the OTHER the next. And then it is ANOTHER ONE the day after. Sometimes I think that all of this (parenthood, mentoring, teaching, loving) is just going so fast and furious. I think that the environment I am in contributes to it...bring the kids here, pick them up there etc etc ..

Tonight after the boys went to bed, I laid on the bed with Rafaella next to me...and when I held her the moment was absolutely perfect. 'twas heaven. All I have inside that I feel for her and for my children connects me to every aspect of my personal being as well as to the spiritual and metaphysical.

and then everything makes sense...even for that one second.

Goodnight...time for my coffee...