Who's feelin' the heat?

It's really not right to have such warm weather in December, especially in our part of the country. It is 75 degrees! It should be snowing, in my humble opinion. Send me back up North where I belong! *giggle*

And did everyone realize that it is the 1st of December? I finally realized this morning, when I reread my previous post.

Who's feelin' the heat?

Greg brought up boxes and boxes of decorations, half of which I put up today. I love this time of year, but throughout the season I have to continually remind myself that beyond the lights, the presents, the parties, there is a spiritual meaning to this season. I found myself today starting to stress about the mess we (greg, me, and the kids) made in the living room, and I had to remind myself that ALL OF THIS, this prep, should be a means to exemplify and teach the Christmas (or other Holiday that you may celebrate) spirit. It should be about generosity, in our actions and words.

I have to admit that I am one of those parents that don't like too many gifts for my children. Most of the toys for my kids come from others, and we do splurge a little during Christmastime, but that is after the kids have gone through their toys and given some of it away. I am proudly a handmade gift giver (from myself or others), and I sometimes don't know how my (our family's) presents are taken. The value in it is time and love rather than money. At the same time I feel (and have been vocal to say) that by doing this, I am standing up against commercialism and overspending over the the Holidays.

Who's with me? Just kidding.

I just don't want my kids to grow up thinking that Christmas is JUST about stuff. I don't want them to get caught up in all of this materialistic hoopla, and find this season *empty* in meaning. And to do this, I need to remind myself to keep the religious, spiritual, and emotional meaning alive in our family.

And that starts with me not being angry when there is a mess from the Christmas decorations.

(see? this post somehow came back full circle *giggle*)

It took me 48 minutes to go 11 miles yesterday...

...and this was through the freeway. On the way back, I took the side streets and it still took me 39 minutes with all of the traffic...

And to think we are in the suburbs, over the bridge from D.C.

I used to think that I was such a city person. I grew in San Francisco. Greg and I used to daydream (when we were dating, and when newly married), that we would return to The City as soon as we could, to reclaim a piece of it and become part of its history.

Moving to Germany and living there for 4 years totally changed our perspective, and now all I crave is to one day find myself living in a small European-like village, where people still take walks, eat their meals outside *unrushed*, and talk to neighbors across the fence.

Until then I will be sitting in traffic and spend my time listening to children's music as the kids sing in the backgroud...(the latter part not being so bad)..

And until then I will continue to live in my craft bubble where I put all of my dreams and hopes into things I can make for others...

...this is for Sophia, J&C's first daughter, born about a month ago. J and I were nurses together in Germany. She is a Friend For Life.

Yarn is BFL, dyed by Nada.

Pattern in the Quick Baby Sweater (can't find the link at the moment haha).



Congratulations, Mama...

There is more to life than simply increasing its speed - Ghandi

I have been thinking much of this lately...how the day is so rushed and when I finally take a look at the clock it is almost time for bed (for the rest of the family).

Finding meaning in what we do, day in and day out...is a stuggle sometimes, isn't it? We tend to get into this pattern of just doing and not feeling, of accepting monotony and the status quo, of almost stagnating.

The other spectrum is this clamor to achieve but to not really know why, of harboring competition but not really challenging ourselves and our motives, and sometimes encouraging a less friendly environment through it.

What do we do each day to find this middle ground, to ask more of ourselves, to live a simple life and cultivate a deeper soul?

I have been asking myself where I fall as a person in this spectrum. What is really important to me? What aspects of my life will satiate my dreams and needs?

Life is so short, I want to live it to its fullest, where I am, here where God has placed me.

My name is Tif, and I am a listmaker

I make lists for each project I undertake.

On my google desktop, I have 3 lists: 1- Business 2- Family 3-Personal Craft Projects.

When I have a special event to plan, a list must be completed.

My husband is sent to the grocery store with a list. A list written from a list of meals for the coming week or 2.

I keep a notebook in my purse for the moment I feel I need to brainstorm a list.

And here I am blogging out a list.

It's a sickness really.

In the past, when I was younger, in College, my lists would be completed. To the "t". On my nursing shifts I compiled lists of repetetive tasks to be completed and they would be.

My lists these days, are feeling less love. They sit on the computer screen and wait for me to click them off. They call for me from my list notebook and sometimes at the end of the night all I can do is stare at them, and then to re-write them the next day.

These days, I list down "read 30 min", "write 30", "knit rafaella's pants 30 min" "cut fabric 30 min" "sew until one project completed ", just so I have somethings crossed out.

I guess this is what happens when life no longer revolves solely around oneself or with just a partner. My days no longer just involve me moving to my own agenda. And I guess this is what happens when I start to let go of trying to manage every minute, when I finally can breathe and just "go with the flow".

Is there such a thing for a true Virgo such as myself? I guess we will all just have to see.

The evolution of Mom.

Today I met the au pair of one of Greggy's classmates. She is a doll, very sweet, obviously attentive and M adores her. She asked me how old I was. She said I looked young.

She was surprised when I told her I was 31, and she thought I was more her age: 22 . I almost hugged her.

She asked me to coffee in the future, but I admitted to her that I couldn't guarantee time away. I am a full time mom with an Army husband. Therefore I don't have set schedules. I make child-free appointments weeks in advance, and hope my childcare options don't fail...otherwise I have three in tow.

Such a far cry from even 6 years ago, with none at my side, where Greg and I were so independent even from each other. I was so stubborn and anal; I rarely wanted to compromise. My job was my focus, and I was a workaholic...

Then came Gregory 5 years ago, where I adopted a perfectionist mother's attitude. As if I had control over the personality of this child. I was so idealistic, almost un-REAListic. And I was right., of course. Over everything, especially how my child should be raised, as how should others.

Cooper rocked my world 18 months later, challenging me with a completely opposite personality. I could not understand how my methods with Gregory did not work with the 2nd. Aren't they both my children? I started to learn to listen to my children. I allowed myself to stand back and to just Watch. and Trust.

Rafaella came 3 years later. My likeness. I see my face in her, and I have been knocked off my feet. Not only do I listen, and watch and trust, but I have learned that I can Close My Eyes and Use My Instincts. It will be alright.

Why it took me 6 years and 3 children to get me to today, I can never explain. Is it my age? I am surely busier now with the business than I ever was in the Army. Is it experience? Is it confidence? Or have I changed?

I hope it's for the better.